Part 20
I made my appointment with the agency and went down the next day.
"Mr Mcdermott? Have a seat" A friendly woman with glasses said. She had pale skin and shoulder length hair that she had pinned behind her ears. Nothing special but i could see that she had an appeal which was hard to describe. I Was too drawn into her features that i didnt hear her asking me a question.
"Mr Mcdermott? I asked you why you want to put your son up for adoption?"
"Oh i... I dont think im fit to be a father and his mother does not want him. She gave him up to persue further things."
"I see... and is the boy legally yours full time?"
"Yes, and she has no desire to see him anymore"
"Well, i cant express how sad it is when the parent of a 3 year old decides they're not capable of parenting... but i understand. I will give you some forms to fill out and would like them back as soon as possible. I must warn you that once these papers have been put through the system, It will be hard to get him back if you change your mind."
"Im giving him up because i cant have him and i wont change my mind! if i had intention of changing my mind i wouldnt be here!!!!"
"Mr Mcdermott there is no need for hostility, im simply telling you this because i have to make sure you understand what you are doing"
"Sorry... yes i understand"
She talked a little more about the whole thing, brought up foster homes and so forth but i dont want him being pulled from one place to the next. I just wanted him to go to a nice home where he can have 2 parents and a happy life. Something i didnt think i could give him with my career and everything.
I left the office with a heavy feeling in my chest. I was doing the right thing. I knew it.
Deep down Nicole knew it too i was sure. I wasnt ready to be a father.
I decided to walk back to the hotel, even though it was a good hour to get there. I needed time to think about everything. Like what was i going to tell the others. Would Nicole ever forgive me for being... male? incompetent? stupid? Everything that wasnt going on in my head, was completly irrelevent and out of reach for my sences... Including traffic.
part 21