It's The Same - Part 3
Waking up with someone's loving arms around you can be a wonderful feeling. For me, it was even more than that - it was truly sensational. I could hear Tim rustling around in his room - doing what, I didn't know. I didn't particularly care, either. The only thing that mattered to me at that moment was Richard.
The way we were positioned that morning was not unlike something you would see in a Hollywood romance film. I was lying on my back, with my arm wrapped over Rich's shoulder, pulling him close, burying my head in his hair. He slept with his arm draped around my waist, his head leaning into my neck.
I couldn't help but smile as I wondered what Tim would think if he walked in to see us like this. As horrible as this may seem, making him jealous gave me a thrill - I craved power.
Rich stirred in my arms and looked up at me, a warm smile forming on his face.
"Hey gorgeous," I murmured, leaning down to give him a desirous kiss. He ran his hand along my chest, giggling as he roled a nipple between his thumb and index finger. Holy Hell, I was almost ready to go at it again. No other person could make me feel like Rich could. Other men aroused me, of course, and the casual screw or two was good. But Rich...it was different with him. I wasn't in a hurry, there was no urgency - I could take me time with Rich, explore and devour him. I could think about someone else's pleasure for a change. But it wasn't just the aspect of lovemaking - I fell in love with his beauty, his patience and sweetness, his humour, his tolerance and understanding...everything. He was unlike anyone i'd ever met - he was unique. Special. And now he was mine.
After a while he broke the kiss and nuzzled back into my neck again, toying with my fingers.
"What's the time?" he asked.
I glanced at my watch. "Just approaching nine."
Rich groaned. "Do we have to get up?"
"Yeah," another voice joined in our conversation. I looked over at the doorway and saw Tim watching us. His hands were in his pockets, not quite able to mask the anger and jealousy on his face.
Rich pulled his arms away from me and sat upright, looking around the room while avoiding Tim's eyes.
"Where's my shirt?" he asked me.
"On the floor, next to the bed - where you left it," Tim replied, giving us a knowing smile. Still, I saw in his eyes that he was hurt - it was a look i'd grown to be familiar with. It was the same look I saw when I broke it off with him. I felt cruel.
As Tim turned on his heels and disappeared, Rich looked at me with a 'we're toast' look. I soothingly rubbed his shoulder.
"He often gets like this," I said. "Don't worry."
'But i've never sen him as bothered as he did there,' I thought as I gathered my clothes that were randomly tossed around the room. As I pulled them on, Rich watched me with uncertainty.
"Will he be cool with it? I mean...will there be any trouble?"
I fully faced him and held his face in my hands. "I'll talk to him, okay? I'll go right now, in fact. I won't let his feelings get in the way of what we're sharing."
"But he still loves you-" Rich protested before I put a finger to his lips.
"No, he doesn't," I insisted. "It's not love. It's infatuation, fixation. Do you remember me telling you? I got up and left him when he thought I loved him. He wasn't expecting it at all; he was crushed. Now he's having trouble moving on, even with Victoria in his life. Now, I accept responsibility for a lot of that - I was only thinking of myself, and my needs and desires - but he has to come to terms with the fact that I love you and not him."
Rich nodded, still a little unsure, but growing more confident in my love for him. I gave him a soft, reassuring kiss and said, "I'll be back in a minute."
I found Tim in his bedroom with his bag lying open on the bed, cleaning up. I lightly rapped on the door, but I didn't have to. He already knew I was there.
"So which do you want, Paul - a trophy or a medal?" he asked, briefly glancing up from his packing. I sighed and leant against the wall, knowing that this conversation wasn't going to be particularly pleasant.
"I don't want either of them," I replied.
"Did you even stop to consider me and my feelings?"
"Why should I have to consider you in this? You play no part in what's happening here."
"So are you going to do to him what you did to me? Screw him blue a few times, make him think there could be a relationship, then just get up and leave without trying to work things out?"
"There was nothing to work out between you and I, Tim! I've told you numerous times how sorry I was for treating you the way I did. It was wrong and I know that, alright?"
"But you never finished what you started."
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, you know exactly what I mean."
I stormed into the room and threw him onto the bed, pinning him down while crawling onto his lap. As usual, I let my temper take control.
"Come on then, Ferguson! Let's go, let's fuck, right here, right now! That's what you want, isn't it?"
"Paul, what the-" Tim squirmed beneath me, which only provoked me to pin him down harder. I put my dace close to his, our lips so close yet so far. I felt no desire for him, but I liked to tease and torment, even when angry. I often got myself into trouble that way.
"Do you want this, Tim?" I hissed, then exploded. "What makes you think you're any different from all the others? Hey?"
"I don't-"
"Shut the fuck up!"
'Woah, calm down, boy,' I thought, and took a deep breath before continuing, backing away and slightly loosening my grip on Tim.
"I'm tired of you always making me feel bad, always condemning me every time i'm with someone else. Is it too much to ask that you let it go and move on? You've got Victoria, you've got children. You don't need me. You should be happy with who and what you have."
Tim looked up at me sadly. "I just want to know if I meant more to you than this."
"Than what?"
"Than just another conquest."
I crawled off him and stood up while he remained on the bed, my anger easing just as quickly as it flared.
"You weren't just another conquest. I was attracted to you, yes, but it wasn't...it wasn't love. It wasn't what I feel for Richard. I'm sorry, but I could never think of you that way. But that's not to say that you don't mean anything to me at all. You're still a great mate, Tim, and I don't want to lose that."
I watched Tim carefully as he took in every word that i'd said. Then finally he nodded and said softly, "Okay."
"Okay? Everything's cool?"
"Yeah."
I gave Tim a quick hug, relieved that the argument hadn't resulted in bloodshed. "Thanks, Tim. Sorry about losing my temper with you."
I began to walk out of the room when I heard Tim call my name. I turned back, and he smiled at me.
"Take care of him, Paul. Give him all the love that you have." He looked behind me, raising his eyebrows. "And the same goes for you."
I turned my head to see Richard approaching us, smiling. He placed his hand on my back and poked his head into the room.
"So it's cool?" Richard asked Tim, who nodded once more. He watched us retreat to our room, then resumed his packing.
When Rich and I reached our bedroom door, I wrapped my arms around his waist and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. He grinned again.
"What was that for?" he asked. I shrugged, returning the smile.
"Just letting you know that I love you."
"Argh, we're going to be inseparable for the rest of the tour, you know that?"
"I do. Not that i'm complaining, of course."
He raised an eyebrow at me in mock seriousness, a twinkle in his eye. "Don't you think we should stop flirting and start packing?"
I pouted, rubbing my nose against his. "Now where's the fun in that?"
"Well, let me see...we don't have much to pack...and we have half an hour until we need to leave...so that leaves us plenty of time for...other activities, if you catch on."
I giggled. "You're going to fucking drain me by the end of the tour!"
"I know, and you can't wait to get started."
We laughed as we began kissing, walking into our room and locking the door behind us.
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